Toward nightfall, the young wife went to her husband's house. The custom required her to break free and seek protection from relatives. This is probably the memory of the era of the abduction of crying girls from their homes.
The young wife was seated on a chariot, and a crowd of her husband's noisy friends accompanied her, singing obscene songs and arranging dances right in the street. During the dances, movements were performed that imitate sexual intercourse, and the newlywed shyly covered her face with her red veil.
When she reached her new home, the wife received goat fat and red woolen threads from the hands of the matron performing the ceremony. She used her own hands to grease the doorframes and fasten the threads which symbolized her power over the house and her willingness to work for its prosperity... After that, the husband took his wife in his arms and carried her across the threshold, therefore, the birth of a child.
When the young wife was finishing her prayers, her husband would come up to her and untie the belt on his tunic. His friends encouraged him in every way and gave him advice on how best to fulfill his marital duty. Some researchers believe that among the tribes that gave the first citizens of Rome, there were those in which the wedding ceremony provided for group intercourse with the bride, and this farewell to the marriage bed is a transformed memory of this custom.
Early in the morning, the wife made the first sacrifice to the gods of her new home.: Each house had its own home god, Lar. Thus, according to the law of Romulus, which read: "A wife who is united with her husband must share all property and all rituals with him," the marriage was considered valid.
The position of the wife in an ancient Roman family
The Romans, unlike the Greeks, did not have the custom of dividing the house into male and female halves, and women did not live in seclusion. The wife of a wealthy Roman ran the house and, as mistress, sat at the same table with her husband and his guests.
However, she was ordered to behave modestly, not to enter into the conversations of men and in no case drink wine. The use of wine by women was considered unacceptable and served as a reason for divorce, and according to ancient customs, it was punishable by death.
She could leave the house, but only with the permission of her husband, wearing a special dress that announced that she was married. She was often accompanied by an elderly relative or widow of one of her husband's brothers. It was considered unacceptable to speak to a married woman; they simply gave her way in silence. However, she was able to attend public meetings, appear in the theater, or at religious ceremonies.
The position of the wife in the family was subordinate, but she had her own sphere of influence - household chores were completely in her charge. She did not feel love and passion for her husband, and this only made her life easier, because his numerous betrayals did not touch her. She wanted one thing - to give birth to children as soon as possible. The highest status for a woman was that of a mother, and the first Roman matrons personally fed and raised their children.
It is known that there was a divorce in Rome, but it did not appear immediately... Dionysius writes: "Knowledgeable people unanimously believe that in Rome for five hundred and twenty years not a single marriage was dissolved." A certain Spurius Karviliy was the first to divorce. The reason for the divorce was his wife's inability to bear children. So, we see that divorce was the prerogative of the stronger sex. Plutarch wrote that Romulus's law said that a husband can leave his wife if she is sterile or convicted of adultery, while a wife cannot leave her husband under any circumstances.
Family council decision
If a divorce happened due to female infertility, the wife was not considered guilty, because the ability to conceive is in the jurisdiction of the gods. She returned to her parents' house with her dowry, and her status was equated to that of a widow.
When a wife commits some serious offense her husband could not dispose of her fate aloneif he was not the eldest in the family. He was to bring the matter to a family council of men. Sometimes one of the respected friends of the husband or the patriarch of the family could be involved in the case. If the wife was convicted of infidelity, the council could recommend the husband to divorce her, in such cases, according to the law, the dowry remains for the husband.
By decision of the family council, the wife could not only be driven out in shame and dishonor, but also put to death. Also, if the divorce turned out to be unprofitable for one reason or another, the punishment was limited to spanking the wife or a rather curious punishment from the point of view of morality: everyone present at the council committed sexual violence against the unfaithful wife. I don't know why they thought that such a punishment would discourage her from adultery. In principle, there were no formal punishments for infidelity, it was a private matter for the spouses.
If there was strictness and some severity in relation to the wife's behavior, then my husband's hands were completely untied in this regard. He could be profligate as much as he wanted on the side, and in the house, his wife could not make any claims against him. If he had a mistress among slaves, the only thing that a wife could afford was to force her to do the dirtiest work in the absence of her husband.
Despite the sovereignty, men rarely meddled in household chores and did not allow themselves to give their concubines a privileged status. Often the fate of such a girl became a bargaining chip between the spouses. The husband made some concessions in relation to his wife, and the wife gave the mistress the status of a companion, and she received a separate room and beautiful clothes. Does this not remind you of the story of Roosevelt and his wife Eleanor, who took her husband’s mistress to her secretary, demanding in return the right to rest alone in her estate?
What are the main reasons for divorce?
Such confusion in the world of the gods contributed to the fact that people easily abandoned the age-old traditions of the way of life. Yes. In the era of the late republic, the divorce procedure was simplified so much that most of the noble Romans were married at least twice.
The reason for the divorce could be anything: for example, a certain citizen divorced his wife because she preferred to watch games in the company of unmarried friends, rather than sitting next to him, as befits a matron. But now women also paid men in the same coin: having found a more profitable party, they accused the husband of evading the fulfillment of marital duty and neglect in the performance of religious rites and received the coveted divorce. There were clear signs of emancipation, although formally women remained completely powerless. The fact is that the men themselves have changed.
After the conquest of vast territories and the imposition of grain tribute on their inhabitants, there were practically no peasants left among the free Romans. After all, grain was now cheap, and there was plenty of it. The rich landowners acquired slaves to work on their estates and vineyards. It was more profitable than paying for the labor of free people. Thus, most of the Roman citizens in peacetime did not bother with work and actively adopted Central Asian customs.
Luxurious feasts with the participation of musicians and dancers, ending with sexual orgies, became fashionable. Having become a slacker, the Roman no longer valued his family so much, and women began to slowly take over the reins of government. Moreover, they came to the conclusion that the new customs of sexual freedom to some extent belong to them too, but first of all women achieved economic freedom.
Marriage, in which the wife fell under the arm of her husband, became less and less popular, women remembered more ancient traditions that came to the Romans from the Etruscans. Now a woman in a free marriage retained all her property, with the exception of the dowry, which went to the husband. She could inherit the property of her parents or the property of her husband.
The traditional way of the family
Very quickly, rich and influential free women appeared in Rome, who did not bother observing the old customs and lived for their own pleasure. Decent matrons branded and vilified them, but they themselves only dreamed of being in their place.
The traditional order of the Roman patriarchal family was crumbling, and no amount of legislation, such as a tax for celibacy and severe punishment for adultery, could reverse this process. The Romans listened to the fiery speeches of Augustus, who reminded that the family is the basis of the state and Rome would never have achieved greatness if its citizens had not been united by strong marriages and had not given birth to many children.
Not that all the Romans just wanted to get married. Many desired and complained about the marriage legislation, which did not allow legalizing an alliance with a stranger. These were mainly the military who returned from the Asian campaigns. Living in the occupied territories, they acquired concubines and many brought them with them to Rome. Such men were not considered officially married, and their female partners were equated with prostitutes.
Those who returned alone were fascinated by the submissiveness of Asian women and their willingness to provide any sexual services, and therefore, marriage with an arrogant Roman woman, boasting of her origin and virtue, did not seem attractive to them. Such men eagerly laughed at the satyrs of Juvenal, who branded dissolute women and urged citizens to take up arms against them.
But then they went to the cheerful girl, taking with them a bottle of wine and a loaf of bread, reasoning something like this: “Why do I need a wife who will constantly whine and complain that there is not enough money for this or that. It is better to spend an hour with a corrupt girl when there is a desire for that. Nobody dreamed of children, the main value in the era of the old Empire.
The peasants who had abandoned their fields lived in the poor quarters of Rome in a huge overcrowding, in a small dark room three adult men could live. There is no time for children! Together with the fall in the status of family values in Rome venal love for the needs of both sexes began to flourish unprecedentedly. In principle, Roman morals were never distinguished by restraint, this was prescribed only for women.